It’s Time To Be Seen with Jen Gottlieb

Crystal Vilkaitis  

I am so excited to welcome my mentor, my friend Jen Gottlieb to Rooted in Retail today. Jen is not necessarily in the retail industry, but she has massively helped transform my business, my life over the past 18 months. And I asked her to be on the show to help my retailers do the same, you’re gonna get a lot of transformational tips and tools from today’s episode, I’m so excited for you to listen. Now, towards the end of the session, Jen talks about how she went to NY NOW, which is a gift to wholesale marketplace. And she had never been to a wholesale market before. And she was walking through the booth seeing the same thing over and over. And she’s like, there was 50 Different people selling the same necklace. She talks about how you are actually going to see the sale even though so many people are selling the exact same thing. She’s got such a solid tip and point on what’s going to create the actual transaction. And just like the wholesalers that market retailers you have, the consumer has a tonne of choices. You’re one of them, then there’s the person down the street and E-Comm And Amazon. How are you the one that people are going to be choosing so make sure you listen to this all the way through. There’s so much gold it went by so fast towards the middle of this episode as well. Jen and I talked about two tools that changed my life. I can’t stress these enough the letter, the YouTube point, a letter and the badass list you’re gonna learn about what they are. Take action, whether it’s after this episode tomorrow morning, this weekend, do these do the work, do the list write the letter, it will change your life. I am living proof of that. This episode is going to help you be seen however that looks for you, however you want to be seen helping you really get clear on what that means for you. And next steps. You know what is the next step that you can do to really connect with your community and we also have a really good conversation about the importance of creating a community. I just love this episode with Jen. It’s so good. So before we dive in, here’s a little bit more about my guest. Jen’s journey to becoming a successful entrepreneur was anything but conventional. Before she co founded superconductor media, Jen was pursuing her dreams of becoming an actress in New York City. Her hard work and determination paid off when she landed a role in the Broadway national tour of the wedding singer. But that was just the beginning of Jen’s acting career. She went on to land a role on a hit TV series on VH1 called that metal show. Jen was cast as Miss at box of junk aka the Vanna White of rock and roll on a show about heavy metal music. There was just one little problem Jen hated heavy metal music. After her show got cancelled and her cheating boyfriend left her all in one week, Jen turned her breakdown into a transformative breakthrough. When she realised that sometimes shit happens so that the shift can happen. She went on to create the fulfilment, alignment, visibility and impact she dreamed of by finally stepping into her own spotlight and allowing the world to truly see her. Today, Jen has helped 1000s of business owners coaches and experts gain the confidence and skills they need to discover their passion, be seen as their true selves and stand confidently in their own light. I am one of the many that she has helped. And I’m just so honored to have her on the show. Jen’s got a new book out b scene which we talked about. I loved it. I recommend that you check it out as well at B scene book.com. And let’s dive in to this episode. 

 

Welcome to Rooted in Retail, the show that’s dedicated to helping independent retailers thrive in today’s ever evolving retail landscape. I’m your host Krystal Volker Titus and I’m thrilled to have you join me weekly as we explore topics that are vital to the success of your store. from marketing to mindset, money to merchandising, sales to leadership, we’ll cover it all. Each episode features interviews with industry experts and accomplished retailers who share their real life insights and actionable advice. Get ready for a great conversation on how to build your dream business with Rooted in Retail. Jen, welcome to Rooted in Retail, I am thrilled you’re here.

 

Jen Gottlieb  

You have no idea. I’m so excited to have this conversation with you. There’s so much we can dive into and I just I love you. So let’s get at it.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Well, I love you too. And before we dive into these questions, I just have to say, over the past 18 months you and your husband, Chris Winfield have been such a big part of my transformation. Like I truly feel like I’m a new person. And so much has happened for me and my business. And I’m so excited that you’re here today because some of the things that I’ve learned from you, you’re going to share with our retailers. But I just want to say thank you so much for the support and the love and encouragement and everything you’ve taught me. You guys are just incredible human beings.

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Honestly, it’s beyond my pleasure. This is my favorite thing in the world is to work with somebody that takes action, because I can tell you what to do all day long, I can tell you what I see in you, you know, we can have those conversations. And there’s plenty of times when that happens when I give somebody advice, or I say, like, you’ve really got this, like, you should really go for it. And they say, Yeah, I’m gonna do it. And then they don’t. But you, you took action, girlfriend, like you did, you did it, I did nothing. I feel like I just saw something in you that I think you knew was there the whole time. And hopefully just incentivized you a little bit, gave you that little boost to believe in yourself to go do the damn thing. But you took action. And it is the coolest thing in the world to watch you thrive and watch the impact that you’re making. And I’m so honored to get to be here on the podcast and like, share what we’ve talked about so that everybody can be like a fly on the wall in our sessions together when we’ve done, you know, our conversations that have helped you.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Totally, exactly. I know, I’m so excited. And I read the book, Be Seen and as this is being aired, it’s finally here. I bet you’re just so excited that it’s finally here I am. I have to say the stories that you included, you’re so vulnerable. One of my favorite stories is you getting your role as Linda in The Wedding Singer being a Broadway actress, people gotta get the book and read the story. But it’s also a toolkit, like you give so many tools and resources, I see this book being something that retailers reference multiple times, and I hope they do because you really have equipped us with the tools we need when we’re struggling, or we need to find that courage or, I mean, we’re going to talk about some of the tools today. But I love the book. And I want to take a step back and ask you what does it truly mean to be seen? And how did you know that you were struggling with being seen even though you were an actress?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Hmm. Okay, so when people have been asking me this question a lot, like what does it mean to you to be seen, because there’s so many meanings, you everybody in their life, wherever they are in that moment will probably give you a different type of an answer. But for me, the person that’s reading this book, what really what I want them to do is to see themselves for who they really are. It all starts with that because I know from experience that I was never able to actually be seen and develop the business and the brand and the community and the audience and the fulfillment that I’ve able that I’ve been able to do if I didn’t take down the mask and stop being seen as who I thought everyone needed me to be and started seeing myself for who I really was to let the right people see me. And so being seen starts with seeing you. And that’s why the first whole part of the book is about being courageous enough to do that. And I was, ironically, so seen when I was an actress, like I was on TV, like I was so seen all the time. But I was hiding behind all of the stuff that I thought everyone else wanted from me. And I was playing the part of what I thought I needed to play in order to get love in order to get likes on Instagram or Facebook or whatever in order to get jobs in order to be paid in order to get acceptance in order to feel that feeling of feeling seen. But the crazy thing is that the more that I was seen as that version of myself, the more disconnected I became, and the more depressed I became. Because I started to go through like this, like, inner, I was like, I was arguing with my inner self like every day. For those of you that don’t know, I was on TV show about heavy metal music for five years. And God bless heavy metal music. It’s amazing. Some people love it. I’m not a fan, and I never was but I had this amazing gig that I had booked right after my stint in the Broadway national tour for the Wedding Singer. And I had like built this brand that was couldn’t have been further from who I really was. And I was showing up every single day and like putting on like this costume and I would be like singing myself chanting this isn’t you What are you going to do when this ends? like who are you this isn’t you this isn’t you? And it’s it seeped out into my relationships into my competence within myself, my health, my mental well being. And, and it when you’re out of alignment, like it really just like completely I say like permanent permeates into all of the other areas in your life. And I couldn’t get myself back into alignment. I couldn’t leave the show. I couldn’t leave the guy I felt so unbelievably trapped. So the universe did it for me, and smack me back in and took everything away and the show got canceled and the guy left me and I was forced to really ask myself the hard questions and not just ask myself the hard questions like who are you and who do you want to be but really like? Are you courageous enough to let yourself be seen as who you really are? Are you courageous enough to let yourself possibly be rejected or judged in order to live out your life as like real Jen? I call her real Jen in the book. 

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

yeah, a lot of our retailers I think can resonate with that because I’ve heard them say so many times, there’s just a lot they hold themselves back. Because I think a big part of it is they feel they need to be perfect. They, you know, when they’re on social media and everybody is seeing their store and them, they think they have to nail it. They’ve got to be charismatic and entertaining. And if they just don’t have that, they don’t think that they’re good enough to be on camera and on socials. What would you say to that person who’s like, Well, I’m not. I’m not perfect. I’m not polished, and I shouldn’t be on camera.

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Okay, well, I want everybody that’s listening to have amazing amounts of self awareness. Listen, you don’t have to be on camera. You don’t. You don’t have to be, I’m not gonna come on here and tell everybody that they have to be on camera. If you absolutely hate being on camera, figure out something that you absolutely enjoy something that you’re really good at? Are you really good at written word? Are you really good at audio? Are you really good at expressing yourself in different ways. And maybe you don’t need to be on camera right away. I just want everybody that if you are a retail retailer, and you have a service, a story or a product, most most the people listening to this have a product or a store, and you want to get it out there, it’s your responsibility to make it seen. But you don’t have to be on camera, if you absolutely hate it, you just need to start creating consistent content. And if you are going to start being on camera, because I recommend that you do I’m not going to say you have to but I would recommend that you would have better results if you did just know and trust that people do not relate to perfect people because perfect people don’t exist. And people like to connect with buy from, talk to, listen to people that they can relate and connect to. And for me, like I’ll give you a perfect example that my content that’s the least produced and the least perfect and the like least amount of editing. Usually it’s my Instagram lives in the morning when I have no makeup on. And I’m wearing a cow headband on my head. Though that content is the content that produces the most leads, the most sales resonates the most and creates the most connection because it’s imperfect, and it’s real. And people want to be able to see themselves in you. Especially if you have a product that’s going to be able to help them how real can you be? Because you want to be able to relate to them, I have this product and it helps me in my real life. If you are perfectly polished, and like Suzy homemaker, perfect, everything is great, you don’t have the problem. So you don’t need to use your product to solve the problem. Right, we need to be real to be able to connect with our community. But I know you are surprised that I said that crystal, you don’t have to do anything. I never want to come on here and say you have to be on video. It’s better, you can communicate better. Video really resonates. Video does a great job at really being able to communicate who you are and your vibe and your brand. And people will watch video probably a lot faster than they’ll read something right now. But if you absolutely hate it, and you’re self aware to know that you are not going to post video. And the only way that you’re going to create content is if you use audio than do a podcast. If you know that the only way that you’re going to produce content is if you do a blog and you write amazing. So write a lot of content and just get really consistent with posting every single day. And then what I have found is when you start to like really create that competence from consistently posting every single day, you start to stretch yourself a little bit more like okay, now I’ve consistently been able to post written word or I’ve consistently been able to produce a QA podcast, how much further can I stretch, you start to feel a little bit more confident, maybe you could actually then prop up the camera while you’re doing the podcast and video yourself while you’re doing the podcast, right, you’ll have a little bit more competence. And I talked about the competence continuum in the book and how you build confidence over time by doing the hard thing. So you don’t have to be on camera. It’s better. However, it doesn’t have to be perfect. So I guess those are yeah, there’s within your one.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Beautiful, I mean, the thing, I love what you say, you know, maybe you’re blogging a bit, and then you feel like oh, okay, I can stretch myself, you realize that you didn’t die like you can do it, you survived it, people are resonating with what you’re putting out there. And so you want a little more and a good starting point to that I share with our retailers. If because video is such a strong tool that you and I both know, from a social media perspective, you can be behind the video, you could show a hand and walk them through a little bit and hear your voice until you start working up a little bit to get in front. And then there’s a very good chance that your customers are going to be like, it’s so good to see you. I love seeing you. They really want to see you and connect. But yeah, I didn’t expect you at first to say you know what, you don’t have to be a video

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Listen, exactly. There is no right or wrong way to do anything. There’s better ways to do things. There are things that work that have been tested that have been proven to work, but there’s no right or wrong way to do anything. You need to figure out a way that is the least way of resistance for you to be able to be consistent and taking action on doing the thing. So the person that I’m speaking to right now that’s listening, I know you I know that you’re hiding and I know that you’re not posting because there’s too many barriers to entry. You’re worried about it being perfect. You don’t want to be on camera. You don’t want to sound funny, you don’t want to do whatever it is. I want you to just post consistently every single day because Once you start doing that, you’ll start developing confidence over time, and it’ll stretch and it’ll grow and expand. And you’ll start to see that the more of you that you show to the world, the more engagement you’re gonna get, the more people are going to comment, the more people are going to connect, the more people are going to check out your store, the more people are gonna buy your products. And those are those little dopamine hits, those little wins that you get along the way to create more motivation. And eventually you will be producing video you will be doing all the things, but you have to start. So I want you to do the easiest possible thing to start, just begin allowing yourself to be seen, allowing yourself as the owner of the company, the face of the product, to be able to start telling your story and talking about it. However, that feels good for you. And then it will evolve into what it’s supposed to be. 

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

I couldn’t agree more so good. Jen, in your book, you emphasize the importance of truly standing in your own light. Most of our retailers really struggle with this. So they struggle with perfectionism. But then let’s say that they’re like, Okay, I know, I’ve got something in me almost like how I was when I came to you last May. I was like, I know, I want to play a bigger game. And I want to put myself out there and I know I have something. What’s the best piece of advice to overcome that fear and shine confidently?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Well, the first thing is, you’re not really ever going to overcome the fear completely. I would never tell anybody that you’re going to be ever be fearless. And fear is going to completely go away. If you’re waiting for that moment that you’re going to be waiting for a long time. Because I’m telling you right now, I wrote the book on being seen. And I’m publishing a book and I’m speaking all over the world. And I still have fear of being seen full on. Okay, I still get impostor syndrome, I still get nervous, I still get all of those things. The key is understanding and knowing that fear is going to be there along the ride, it’s going to be there no matter what, what’s your relationship with that fear? How do you want to talk to that fear? How do you want to take action even though that fear is with you, because if you can become an expert at doing things with fear there anyway, you will become successful, because it’s not your expert in my I’m not expecting fear to go away, I’m expecting things to get easier. The more that I do them, the more I do hard things, the more I take away the power that fear has over me. But I’m not expecting for that fear to totally go away, especially when I’m doing something I’ve never done before. But I know that when I do something difficult that I’m afraid to do, and I allow fear to come. And I allow fear to be with me as I do it. And I’m just like fear, get in the passenger seat of the car, let’s go, like you shut up and you come along the ride, and I do the thing. And I get to the other side. And I realize I didn’t die. Nothing terrible happened. In fact, something good happened. Holy shit, I put another point in my confidence bank and become a little bit more competent for the next time, it doesn’t mean that fear is not going to be there next time, fear is going to be there again. And it’s going to make up some other crazy excuse as to why you shouldn’t do the thing. Or it’s going to start to negotiate with you as to why you shouldn’t be consistent and you shouldn’t keep going. But your job is to allow fear into the car with you allow anxiety in that anxiety, that fear all of it. I know for sure. Because I felt it so much crystal, especially during this book launch. It’s crazy. It’s so meta, I wrote the book about being seen. And I’ve had to be seen on a level that I’ve never been seen at, like in my life. So fear is there the whole damn time. Fear is like, it’s in the car, it is like almost on my lap. But I’ve been doing all the things with it right there. And the more that I do it with it right there, the more it shuts up, it’s still there. But the more I understand that I’ve got the power over it. And that’s what confidence is being able to trust yourself. Being able to trust yourself that you can do something that’s really difficult and come out to the other side, okay, because you’ve always got your own back and you trust yourself to stick to your own commitments, no matter how scary they are to do. So if you’re afraid to be seen, my message to you is to start being seen. And I know that that really sucks. But you have to do everything in your power to make it as easy as possible to get that first thing done. So in the book, I talked about the competence continuum. And it all started through that first action step, action step, the action step is the thing that initiates the whole process to start to evolve. So you can build confidence over time. So let’s talk about it. Let’s give an example for your listeners. Like if you’re absolutely petrified to go live on social media. All right. So I know many of your many of your people are probably like, yeah, I would never do that. Like I’ll post a nice static image. But I’m not going live and talking about my product. I know what they’re thinking. Alright, so I’m telling you right now that I started going live this year, and it has increased my engagement. I go live every day. You don’t have to do that. But I do it. It has increased my engagement. It’s made my rails go viral. It’s made an unbelievable community that I have that I’ve developed through going live every day. Everybody shows up together every time I tell them to buy something, do something DM me, they all do it because I show up for them every day. So going live can absolutely help your business but you’re petrified to do it. All right. So the day comes, here’s the first thing I want you to do. I want you to set a commitment. Say I’m going to do this no matter what you talk to fear. You say fear I hear you. I see you. get in the passenger seat of the car and come along the ride with me. So you know that fear is gonna come, you know, it’s gonna be scary. You embrace the fact that your hands are going to shake you embrace the fact that you’re going to turn on that button and you’re going to feel like you don’t look right or you don’t sound like right and you’re going to start to talk like nasty negative things to yourself, maybe and it’s okay, those are all have symptoms of fear, however, make it a lot easier. Call a friend. Like this is this is the ultimate, call a friend and say, Hey, I’m about to go live in five minutes. Could you just jump on and comment in there with me and be there with me and support me? Because if you go on you don’t know that anyone’s gonna be there that that that makes it a lot easier if you know someone like I’d be like Crystal, can you just pop on live really quick and just like, put some heart emojis like support me, like communicate with me asked me a question so that I can have something to talk about. It makes it easier. So you do whatever you need to do to make that first action step. That’s really scary easier. You do the thing. Okay. After you get off live. Oh my god, I did it. I didn’t die. Holy crap. I did it. Check. Oh my god. That’s uh, when you get a dopamine hit, you feel good? You feel? Wow. Okay, so then the next day you go to do it again, you’re still afraid that you’re a little bit less afraid? Because you know, you did it the day before and it wasn’t that bad. You go live again. Maybe this time, you don’t need to have a friend on there. Maybe this time you’re like I did it yesterday. I’m okay. I don’t need the training wheels. I got it. I can do this. You go live. Maybe a few extra people show up than they did the first time. Wow, that’s amazing. Maybe that time somebody DMs you after your live and they say I really loved what you’re talking about? How do I buy stuff from your store? Whoa, okay, going live really doesn’t now you’ve got motivation. Because we don’t get motivated by sitting around and thinking about it. We get motivated by winning. When we get a win, Holy shit. Now I’m motivated, going live sales sell stuff. I’ll go live again tomorrow. Then you go live again. The third day, the third day is easier than the second day, which was easier than the first day you do it. Maybe six people show up that time. Maybe you get two DMs from that one, holy crap, big wins. Now you have momentum, then the next time you do it, you have way more confidence. This is how the confidence continuum works. Unfortunately, it starts with taking action even though you are afraid. But if it was easy, everybody would be a ripped billionaire. Like everyone would be a billionaire with an 8-pack if hard things weren’t hard. But it’s not. And that’s why there’s not very many successful people. That’s why success is success. That’s why it’s something that people strive to get. That’s why not everybody is successful, because it’s difficult. So if you’re listening to this right now, and you know that you need to be seen, but you’re hiding because it’s scary, or it’s painful, or it’s uncomfortable. Please understand that discomfort is only temporary, that discomfort or that fear or those feelings that you have when you’re about to press live, where it’s like, oh my god, I can’t do this. What are they going to think of me? Oh my God, I don’t look good. I don’t sound they only last for that moment. But that feeling that you get on the other side, when you’re done, that growth that you experience from those three minutes of discomfort? That’s forever. That’s what success is made out of?

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Jen, I felt such a sense of relief. When you were talking about just fears in the passenger seat and embrace it, you’re gonna have you said shaky hands. And that’s so how it shows up for me. And I spoke this week, and they didn’t have a mic. I had to do the handheld and I shake. And I’m just like, well, what’s my choice? I mean, this is what it is. So I just have to do it. And it was all fine. I bet you if I ask anybody in the crowd, if they could tell, I don’t think they could. We know within ourselves as you’re doing the live stream as you’re creating your reels and your stories. Like we know we’re shaking on the inside, but your customers care so much. They just want to connect with you, they just want to see you and just embrace the fear. It really takes, when you do that. It just takes that pressure off. Like I physically could feel myself relaxed when you said that. So I hope, I know retailers felt that too, if they’re experiencing that. Now, one of the tools, the my first event that I went to with you guys was Unfair Advantage live and you have this this practice this exercise that you made us do to write a letter to you 2.0 Well, from you 2.0. So it was you a year from now, writing to yourself. And this was such a transformative experience for me that I had my Evolve attendees do this year, and they loved it so much like raving reviews. And I want you to talk about the power of the You 2.0 and how you came about this and why people should do it.

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Yeah, this is my favorite mindset tool that there is in fact, I might even just like do another one tonight. I think I need it. I read mine every single day, every single because here’s the thing I and I and I’m sure the person listening to this, the retailer listening, I know that you’re amazing at giving other people advice, like amazing. I’m incredible at telling other people what to do, giving them advice, helping them at telling them like what I see in them, their superpowers, right? I’m great at that. And most of us are really great at that. We’re just not so great at doing it for ourselves. And if I were to dub you Crystal and have you give crystal advice you would probably give yourself like the greatest advice in the entire world. But if I told you to just tell yourself that advice. I don’t know if you’d be able to really communicate it to yourself. are believing yourself enough that it would really resonate. So I had this idea one day, I was like, what if like the person that I’m working for every day, which is Jen 2.0. Future Me, not, I don’t necessarily know what I’ve achieved five years from now or a year from now, but I know how I feel. I know how that woman feels, I know that that woman feels unbelievably confident and empowered and, and, and focused and fulfilled and just really proud of herself and, and has had so much growth and has become wiser. And if I could tap into her, which I can, I can feel the way that she feels. We can do that if we go on a wonder walk, and we start to really just like embrace what that person will feel like if we achieved all the things that we know that we’re capable of achieving. What would that woman say to me now? Because me now I can go back and I could talk to 18 year old Jen and tell her exactly what she needed to do. Exactly. So what if I could be like, Okay, I’m, you know, future Jen talking to me now, what would I tell her? So I tried doing that. And I was just like, dear Jenny, from future me. And the letter that I wrote was like, Holy shit, why am I not doing these things. And then I read the letter. And I, I read the letter, and I was like, that was the greatest pep talk ever. I don’t need a coach. I was just coached by, like, the greatest coach in the world, which is my future self. Right. And we have the answers within us. It’s often just clouded by the shoulds by the other voices in our heads, which is normal, like, that’s life, like we’ve got friends and parents and partners and, and like the judgment that we might feel from whatever are these in like these also, these fake things that we put in our minds that everyone’s caring so much about, and, and when we write that letter to ourselves, all of that stuff goes away. And you’re able to really just give yourself the advice that you know, that you need to hear. And then if you can read it from a place of like, okay, this badass coach just wrote me a letter. It’s so helpful. So I want everybody that’s listening, you should do it. If you’ve never done it. It’s so powerful.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

I love assigning action items on the podcast here. And so that is so an action item to our listeners, take the time to write your YouTube point, oh, this could be a half hour hour. In fact, Jen, I did another one this morning. So funny that you said I should do one tonight. Because I was like, it’s been a little while. And really the power to this too is reading it daily, like you said, Jen like you do you have to reconnect with that you need those reminders. I have been somebody who, you know, I asked everybody else’s opinion and need to know what everybody else is thinking. And I, I have lost my path along the way in doing that. And then you wake up one day, and you’re like, Wait, how did I get here? This isn’t even what I want. And you don’t feel that fulfillment. And you’re just off course, but this is why I love this exercise. Because like you said, we have the answers within, but we just have to give ourselves that that space to sit down, do it. Read it every single day. So that is an action item for all of our listeners. And if you want like DM me and or Jen and be like I wrote my 2.0 out, you know, like, you don’t have to send it to us just like I did it. You know, just for some accountability there. Yeah. Okay, another tool. I had a friend a couple just a couple weeks ago. She is a mama, she is a business owner. And it was just like, struggle after struggle after struggle for her it just was like really heavy. And we all can relate to this. It doesn’t matter if you’re a retailer, entrepreneur, parent, we all have been through this before. And I could tell, I could like feel her energy just being like gosh, is anything in a workout. And I know her I know how amazing of a human being she is. So I texted her to write her badass list. What it is, I’m using the tool. So please share with my listeners what the badass list is.

 

Jen Gottlieb  

The badass list is the entire third chapter of the book. An entire chapter had to go to this because it is my favorite tool. I think I said that about the letter from you to point out but the badass list is a close second probably or right like they let’s just have them in the same journal like one page and then the next page. But I like to put my badass list in my phone. So here’s what the badass list is. It is my my way to not overcome but my way to move through imposter syndrome or feeling not worthy of something because I think that a lot of us when we start being seen are stepping out into the spotlight or maybe stepping into a room that we’ve never been in or an event that we’ve never gone to before or maybe opening a new store or launching a new product. We are always scrolling the internet looking at other people that are doing it and we see everybody else’s chapter 20, We see everybody else’s perfect finished product. Maybe their store has been open for five years and they’ve already got it like all set in stone. Maybe we see somebody’s podcast that they’ve already been doing for seven years. And we are starting from the beginning and it’s very, very easy to look at the finished product and compare our chapter one and say oh my gosh, I am not good enough. I’m an imposter like I couldn’t possibly do that, because look at what else is out there. And what happens is we forget how amazing we are and all of the incredible things that we’ve done and what we’re really capable of, because we’re so focused outward on looking at everybody else. And so the badass list is a way to tap back into just how wonderful and amazing you are, maybe you haven’t done the thing that you’re about to do. But you’ve done a lot of other cool shit that makes you completely and totally capable of doing the thing you’re about to do. So the badass list is a list and you’re out do it in your phones, you have it always with you, because you never know when impostor syndrome is gonna strike. And you make a list of all the moments in your life, where you felt like a badass. Now, this could be major business moments, it could be very minor, tiny, itty bitty life moments that were just precious to you, and no one even knows about them. Maybe it was like a time where like you really like you had a conversation with a friend and you help them so much, no one even knows about it, but you just felt like such a badass. Or maybe it was a time when you ran a marathon. Or maybe you overcame an illness. Or maybe you gave birth to a human. Or maybe you launched your first store or you sold your very first product and you’re like, holy crap, someone bought the thing that I made that is so cool. Anytime in your life, when you are a badass, I want you to write it down on your list. And then when you’re feeling like an impostor, or when you’re feeling nervous to go or to launch or you feel like nothing’s going your way, or you’re comparing yourself to a zillion people, I want you to read that list as if you’re reading it about somebody else, somebody that you’re like foaming over on the internet, like, read it, like it’s not you, and read it out loud. And then I want you to ask yourself, is this person capable of like doing the thing that I’m afraid to do right now? Take yourself out of it. I guarantee you, you will say yeah, that person’s pretty damn cool. That person’s me. I use it all the time. I highly recommend everyone that’s listening, get your badass list going.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

It’s so powerful. It’s so powerful. And it pulls you out because our minds are so powerful. And you can just start thinking of all the things and impostor syndrome and all the things that you don’t measure up. And it pulls you out of that. And it reminds you of who you are. And it just totally changes the energy like it flips the script. And so such a, again, the book has so many tools like this. And that is an example of one which I love. Now, I want to talk about creating community. But let’s break it down a little bit. So what’s the first step a retailer can take to creating a thriving and engaging community around themselves, their brand and their business?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Well, the first thing you can do is start to engage with people. And I know that that might sound completely like a Dudgeon. But the biggest issue I see on social media is people are not being social. They’re posting and ghosting, they’re posting a great photo, and then they’re leaving the party and not thinking anybody that takes the time to thoughtfully engage with their photo, or their video or whatever it is that they posted, which is basically like getting a gift from somebody and not saying thank you, if I had a gift from somebody, and I didn’t say thank you, I would never expect for that person to ever give me a gift again, like if I gave a gift to someone that they were just like, they just took it and ran away. I’m like, Well, I’m never talking to you again. Same thing with social media, if you post something, and lovely, wonderful people have taken time out of their day to actually write something under your post, that person is a potential customer they are leaning in, they have just given you some value, it is your job to reciprocate if you want to build community, which is the number one thing I would focus on doing if you told me, what’s one thing that you would do if you had to start over, I would say I would start building community, you can start engaging with people not only engaging if somebody comments on your post, comment back, and then I would DM them. Hey, thanks so much for commenting on my post, check out this, check out that. Like I want to provide more value. What did you love about that? What else would you like to hear about and communicate with them. And it’s not about massive numbers of people, especially the people that are listening to this right now you might be a local retailer and you want to just engage people in the community to come by your store, check out your products, like if you can connect with five people that day, that’s five people that might come in your store, that’s a lot of people and sales, the amount of people that basically buy your shit, like your sales are directly related to the amount of people that you ask to buy your stuff. So if you can start communicating with five people a day, that’s way more than zero. So if you want to create community, start engaging. And then of course, you got to be vulnerable. You got to be courageous enough to be vulnerable to let people in because people do not like connecting with people that have a mask on that are so perfect and polished. And I only know this from doing it myself. Before I wrote my book, I was seen but I was seen by posting static images that had a filter on them and writing a really, really great caption. So I felt it I felt that I wasn’t creating community. I felt like I’ve got a great Instagram got a lot of followers. I’ve got like engagement and likes but there was something that was not it. There’s a difference between followers and fans and community. I didn’t have that And I was like, What do I, what do I need to do here and I made my, my whole goal was in 2019 was just like building community. And I started just focusing on posting video, even if it wasn’t perfect, consistently posting video instead of static photos, letting myself be seen and then going live every single morning and talking to people and telling people what was really going on in my life. No one’s doing that. So no one is doing that. And if you can be brave enough to talk about really what’s going on. Like, let’s say you had something go on in your store. And it was not the funnest thing in the world. Like it was just a real life, you live your moment, I encourage you to share that because there’s going to be so many people that resonate with that. And it’s going to be so much more of a conversation and people are going to want to communicate with you and monoline ended up because they’ve probably experienced the same thing in their life. And if you can tie in that mishap that happened in your store to something that is a problem that your product or your service or whatever you sell on your store solves, then it’s like well, you just related to your buyer on a level like their pain point you related to it and totally different story. And then you said like, Oh, I’ve got a solution to that problem. Here was my issue in the store. This whole thing went crazy. It was nuts. I felt so scared. I felt so out of control. And then boom, like, I got this, this answer like then you’ve told a story, then you’ve gotten people in the door. You’ve got people connecting with you. They’re relating to that, like, holy crap, I had that same issue. Oh, my God, I feel for you. Wait, that helped? Okay, I’m in. Sign me up. How do I get that? It’s all about being real and communicating. And I’ve found that what’s really crazy, Crystal, I don’t know if you’ve been on this live lately, but I do this thing every day. And people have made friends with each other. From my Instagram Live. When you come to the event. Next week, there’s people there that have literally formed community with each other from my daily Instagram Live. So now it’s not even about me anymore. I don’t even show up for me, I show up for them to have a place to connect with each other every single day. It’s so much bigger than me.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

That is incredibly special. Jen goes live every single day on Instagram. I mean, Jen, the fact that you do this, I love that you do it. Because so many business owners will say like, I don’t have time for social media. And we are all very busy. You are especially busy with the book launch, you have so much going on. You have an awesome conference that’s coming up next week. And yet you still show up every single day. And the fact that I mean, it’s exactly the same as our retailers when they’re showing up in that way. We have this story I like to tell from stage where Judy and Janet , Judy is Janet’s daughter, they own this flower shop together. They don’t love being on camera, but they do it anyways. And they do these live streams. And they were doing a live stream building this Christmas wreath and a customer came into the store and said to Janet, your video drew me in like a magnet. I watched it all the way through and again, and Janet was just smiling. Judy sent me an email like you should have seen my mom’s smile. And then another customer came in from the Facebook Live at the same time to also buy the Christmas wreath. And then they’re chatting up a store becoming you know, these kinds of friends in the store. And that’s what it’s all about. It all happened from them putting themselves out there being seen doing the live and it creates that community and connection. And I so agree with you. It’s about community. People want connection now more than ever, and being seen is the way to do that. It’s one of the best ways I think

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Agreed. Tt’s so great.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Yeah. Hey, real quick. Are you coming to Evolve? Have you gotten your ticket yet? If not, super early bird pricing expires December 31 2023 Evolve as a business transformational event that you’re not going to want to miss happening in Denver, Colorado, April 28th and 29th. Our agenda and speaker lineup is fire. Our keynotes is Donald Miller, Jen Gottlieb, myself. It’s so important for you to stay relevant in an ever changing world and really understand what’s working from a social media and marketing perspective. And know what’s coming in the future of marketing and technology. We’re going to cover it all. Plus, this is your opportunity to step out of the day to day of your business and step into a new environment and a new perspective. I hope to see you at Evolve, go to crystalmediaco.com/evolve To get your super early bird pricing tickets. 

 

Okay, but here’s the deal. So many of our retailers come up to me and are like, okay, but I’m not that interesting. Nobody wants to hear about me. I don’t. I’m not rags to riches and honestly, I came to you at a mastermind lunch and said that same thing like I don’t feel like I’ve got this big story. I wasn’t on Broadway. I don’t have any, you know, trauma. Thank god that’s happened in my past. You know what makes me special and a lot of people struggle with that. So what advice would you give someone who’s building their brand, but still needs to figure out what makes them stand out from others in their industry?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

I love this topic, because and first of all, I think it’s, it’s really a mate. Like there’s a lot of people out there that feels that and this is what I said to you, it feels exactly like you. Like they don’t have a traumatic rags to riches story. They didn’t have like a rock bottom moment, and maybe they had a lovely childhood. And it was amazing. It was great. Not a lot of people are telling that story. And there’s people that relate to that story. That’s a relatable story. There are a lot of people out there that have fantastic, lovely, wonderful childhoods, and think about what made your childhood wonderful and fantastic. Think about like, oh my gosh, there. Here’s one thing that me and my mom did when I was younger, that changed my life forever. She would take me to this bookstore every single Sunday, and we would walk around the aisles, and she would let me get whatever book I wanted. And that helped me to start reading. And I picked up this one book about how to make a Christmas brief. And I started making Christmas wreaths with my mom every single Sunday. And it was the most beautiful thing that we did together. And it just lit me up. And it just and we started making them. And then before I knew it, I was really good at it, we started selling them. That’s a story. That’s a story. But it’s a lovely story. And it’s unique to you. It does not have to be this massive, like impactful, crazy story to be interesting. It just has to be your story. It has to be a story. And a great way to find out what stories are really interesting to people is to simply just tell people’s stories and see where they pay attention. In the book. I call them lean in stories. So talk to people, go to parties, get on Zoom with people, have conversations, tell a story and pay attention to when they zone out and when they lean in. And sometimes you will never even realize like our stories are so close to us that we don’t necessarily always know like, what’s an interesting story and what’s not because it’s just our story. And a lot of my stories I always thought were so boring and uninteresting. Because like, I was like whoever would want to know that I was on VH1 on a heavy metal show that has nothing to do with anything that I do now. Like that is so not cool. Like, I don’t want anyone to know that. But when I started whatever I talk about that still to this day Crystal when I meet somebody and they don’t know me, I’m like, Oh, it’s on the heavy metal talk show on page one for five. What? Really? Oh my god. It’s just a unique different thing about me. There’s millions of retailers in this world, millions. And there’s probably even in your niche. whoever’s listening to this right now, if you make Christmas wreaths, there’s probably lots and lots of other people out there that make Christmas wreaths. So the only thing that’s really going to differentiate you from the other people that make Christmas wreaths or yes, maybe your store a little bit different in their battlefield, they got this unique thing that only you can do. But your story, the way that you speak the way that you talk about what you do, the way that you your story of how you got into what you’re doing. That’s the stuff that makes you unique, because it’s the stuff that you only possess and there’s only one you there’s only one Crystal, there’s only one Jen, there’s a zillion people that talk about building a brand. zillions of them. And there’s people that love to follow somebody else they because they don’t resonate with me, maybe they’re way more of like a I don’t know Gary Vaynerchuk kind of a person because they really resonate with his story and how he grew up and how he was an immigrant and how he came to this country and how he really loves the Jets. I don’t love football. So go follow Gary Vee. But maybe there’s some people that just don’t resonate with that. And they love my story of you know, the fact that I like to work out or whatever, it’s the unique little things about you that make people attracted to you. And it’s really important also to remember that you actually want to, like not have the people that don’t align like, that’s good. That’s okay. Because the more that we can repel the people that don’t align with us, the more we’re going to have space to bring in the people that do and there’s more than enough to go around for everybody. And I do think that in maybe in your space, I don’t know your space that well, Crystal, but you could probably tell me if there’s like a scarcity mindset that floats around like, Oh, if somebody else gets the business, that means that I don’t get the business. Yeah, yeah. Well, here’s a cool thing. When I went to the thing that you spoke at that you hosted we were at the Javits center. Oh, yeah. Okay, so I’m Weinberg going down. This is my first what was it called? A like, what was it called that we were at?

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

NY NOW, which is a wholesale marketplace, gift stationery wholesalers is where retailers go to buy their products. 

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Okay. And it was amazing. I had never been to something like that. There was booth after booth after booth after booth of the same thing. Okay. I was like this amazing. There is literally probably 50 booths here with the same necklace 50 booths here with the same necklace. What, okay, what’s gonna make me buy that necklace from one of those booths? Well, it’s going to be the story behind the person, the energy of the person, if I like that person, if I resonate with that person, and if I resonate with that one person and I buy their necklace because I love their story. They came up to me with such loving energy and I was just so intuitive and like we talked when we connected and we formed a relationship. I’m gonna buy their necklace. But guess what, that doesn’t take anything away from the other 49 booths that have necklaces because somebody LS is gonna go resonate with those other ones. There’s an abundance of buyers out there. And if someone resonates with one, it means there’s another person out there, that’s gonna resonate with you.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Beautifully said, so good. I can’t agree more.

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Good. So good. I don’t know your industry, but I guessed.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

And nailed it. Yes, it is. It’s wild, right. But I feel like that’s gonna land for a lot of listeners, because it’s so true. We talked to retailers who are like, well, I, this is a big one. I don’t want to post and show the products I sell, because my competition will see what I sell. And then they will go and carry the same line. And look that might be happening. Some I know that some retailers competition is buying what they sell, and whatever they post on social, but they’re letting themselves not post because of it, which is very much in my opinion, a scarcity mindset. They’re going to shop with you exactly like you just said, Jen, because they know you, they know your story. And it doesn’t have to be so wild or so sad or anything. It’s the little things that just have us connect. And if you show up and connect, that’s what makes them choose you. So you so nailed it with not being in this industry. Yeah. Okay, look into the future. What vision do you hold for yourself? Will you share some of what Jen 2.0 looks like?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Yeah. Okay, well, I see this publicly, with so much fear and impostor syndrome when I say it. So I have to preface this. Because, and the reason that I say it is because I feel like it’s my responsibility to speak my desires into the world if I’m telling other people to speak their desires in the world, because if you don’t talk about what you want to create, and what you want to do, then How is anybody going to know? And how are opportunities going to come your way? And how is the universe gonna know, you never know who’s listening. So for those of you that are sitting there, and you have a secret desire, maybe it’s your secret is like to become number one in your industry, or whatever you want to be like Oprah or you want to be like, whoever it is, and you’re not telling anyone and you’re not declaring it to the universe, because you’re afraid of what people will think, then I want you to not just go around shouting it to just about anybody, but I want you to practice saying it in a safe space where you feel welcome to say it and like I’m here on this podcast with crystal who I feel unbelievably safe with and love so much. And I know anybody that’s listening to Crystal is somebody that’s wonderful as well. So I even though I feel scared, saying my dreams out loud, I say them out loud in places where I feel comfortable to say them. So my goal is to become the greatest motivational speaker of all time. I don’t even know what that means. I really don’t, I don’t. But that’s the saying that I say when I think of the vision that I see. And so we’ll see what that means. It’s my favorite thing to do in the entire world. I love to speak, I love to be on stage. I love to make that type of impact. And, and that’s, that’s what I see. And that’s where we’re going.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Beautiful. I so see that for you. You are one I mean, you are one of the only speakers that I’ve seen live that I started crying, listening to because I was just so moved. Like you have a way of really connecting with your audience because you know us and you speak your truth and you’re vulnerable. And that’s what makes somebody incredibly motivating and inspiring. So it’s done already in my book. You’ve you’re already there. Super exciting news for anybody listening. Jen is speaking at Evolve. She is one of our keynote speakers. I am so excited about this. My team is so excited. So many retailers texted me a DM to be like Jen is coming they’re just so excited. So be on the lookout for that for evolve tickets and go to our website learn more there But Jen Are you ready for the resilience round? 

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Let’s do it. And I don’t see anything you’re gonna ask me so let’s just go rapid fire.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Rapid Here we go. Best Business Book?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

12 and a Half by Gary Vaynerchuk

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

good one. Best retail technology like an app or software?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Hmm I’m not.. Uber, no wait FreshDirect Is that does that count?

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Well, more I you know what I thought you were gonna hands down say was it doesn’t necessarily have to be retail. I thought you’re gonna say ChatGPT.

 

Jen Gottlieb  

You were talking about like a store to shop on? Well, yeah, of course. And ChatGPT’s for everything. Yes. So you can fill in the blank for me for that one. Okay, like Uber, FreshDirect. I don’t know, like, where do I shop online?

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Because, usually I ask because retail is ever changing. How do you keep up with your industry, personal branding, social media, because that’s ever changing, how do you keep up with it?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

I listen to podcasts every single morning and there are very specific podcasts. In the marketing and social media space that are like up to date, and I follow people that are experts in the space, like experts, meaning they’re like, I like to follow people like, like we’ve been talking about Gary Vee a lot. He’s on my mind because I listened. I’ve been listening to him every single morning because he actually runs an agency where he is doing social media at a high level for Fortune 500 companies. And he’s also building a personal brand. So I know that if he’s, if he’s doing something specific on his social or if he’s posting something on his podcast, or he’s talking about it, it’s like next level stuff. I know that it’s, it’s happening. And I know that it’s working because he’s doing it. So I copy people, not copy but learn from and mentored from virtually by people who really are doing it and actively like succeeding at it. And no matter what, in the morning, when I work out, I don’t listen to music, I don’t listen to like pop culture podcast, which I do at the end of the night. But in the morning, I’m studying, and I’m moving my body, I’m working out and I’m just consuming content, whether that’s a new book that just came out, or it’s a new podcast. And then you know, throughout the day, we’re playing and we’re activating. And I think another really important piece of this is we’re trying things, trial and error. And I’m allowing myself to fail, and I’m actively using new things. Like, of course, with AI, we’re using new shit every single day. And we’re seeing what works and what doesn’t. And I’m trying new styles of reels and trying new styles of writing and trying new photos and new things and new apps and stuff and seeing what works and being able to be okay with if it doesn’t, because that’s giving me a lot of data.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Mm hmm. Exactly. Awesome. Because social media and technology is ever changing. How do you recharge your batteries?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Um, okay, so this is a good question. Because right now I’m in an in a time of like, I’m in a season where I have to be like an athlete right now, like in a book launch, you’re in a season like there’s not a lot you can you don’t get a week off to recharge. So I have to recharge daily, I have to just put the things in place that keep me going throughout every single day. So no matter what my non-negotiables I have to move my body, I have to eat clean, and I have to sleep every single day like those three things have to happen. If they don’t, then I can go down the level of burnout. But as long as I focus on one day at a time, like each day is my game, like I’m an athlete, I’m doing a season and each day is the game. And I need to make sure that I’m physically and mentally and emotionally prepared for that game to be able to get through that day. And that means my body physically needs to be in great shape. As long as my body is physically in great shape, I can usually make it through each day. And then I like to do sprints with recovery. As long as I know when my recovery is, I’m good. So I could sprint for a month. If I know that there’s a recovery on the other end of that month. I could sprint for a week if I know I got a Sunday, that Sunday is going to be my recovery day. But it’s very intentional, I really do look at it, like I’m an athlete. And that mindset really helps me because I’m not just like letting life do me, I’m doing life, I’m intentionally resting intentionally eating a certain way, intentionally sleeping a certain way and intentionally looking at my three next days, this is a sprint, I’m gonna go all out, I’m gonna push and at the end, I’m gonna feel really tired. But I know that on that fourth day, I’m going to have a day of recovery. And I’m going to do everything that I need to do to get my batteries recharged to go back into the next sprint with the energy that I need.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Awesome. To help retailers be stronger and more rooted in success, what’s a personal branding, best foundational best practice?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

This is perfect for you. Allow yourself to Evolve. So here’s the thing about personal brands, everybody wants their personal brand to be perfect and totally perfectly aligned. And like the messaging never change and to be the perfect colors and fonts forever and ever and ever. And it never shifts and changes. The beautiful thing about the human experience is we are constantly evolving. We’re always transforming, we are becoming different people, you are a different person than the person that I talked to you last year, you have evolved so much. And the brand that you had built today would probably look a lot different than the brand you would have built last year. And that’s okay. As long as you’re allowing your followers and your audience and your customers to be along the ride of the evolution. They will be there with you the whole time and be so excited about every iteration of you. But if you try to stay just like perfect, perfect, perfect, even though you’re evolving and changing, it’s going to feel inauthentic. Allow yourself to evolve and allow everybody to come along the ride with you. Some of the people that I look at that do this amazingly well are people like Lady Gaga and Madonna. Like they have had so many iterations and evolutions of their brand in themselves. But the true fans are so excited and they follow along the evolution and they can’t wait for the next new song to come out as like the new version of Lady Gaga, you know, or the new version of Beyonce or the new version of Taylor Swift.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Yeah. So good. Jen. That’s a mic drop for me for sure. I needed to hear that. That was so good. Final question. What do you think the future of independent retail looks like?

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Hmm, it’s online. I mean, I do think that there’s going to be there’s always a play It’s in my heart for for brick and mortar stores because it is very healing thing for me to do to just walk around a store I don’t I don’t even buy stuff I just walk around the store, I like to be in a store and touch things and feel things. But I do believe that every single independent retailer needs to learn artificial intelligence, you need to know what is going on with AI, you absolutely do. If you don’t, your competitors are going to just be world ahead of you. Because there are so many things that AI is going to take over AI is not necessarily going to completely take over your job, or your store or anything like that. But a store that’s implementing AI into everything that they’re doing is going to take your business. So everyone listening, you need to just start playing, start playing, stop being afraid of it, start using it, it can be a superpower, superhero inside of your business. And I know that crystal is talking about it a lot and teaching it a lot. So you’re in good hands. 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

I couldn’t agree more. Jen, where can people connect with you, learn more and get the book “Be Seen”? 

 

Jen Gottlieb  

Go to beseenbook.com for the book, don’t just buy one, buy one for a friend, buy one for handout at your shop or give as a gift to your best buyers. And Instagram is a great place to hang out with me at Jen_Gottlieb. I mean, I’m on all the platforms, but Instagram is where I’m really, really hanging out the most.

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Yeah, and this is airing beginning in November, and I heard you say on another podcast to buy the book as a gift for the holidays. And I think that’s such a great idea. If you do have a friend that is wanting like, they’re called they’re pulled but they’re really hiding or they’re holding themselves back. This is such a good book for them. So Jen, I can’t thank you enough for being here today. I love this conversation. Thank you.

 

Jen Gottlieb  

This was so fun. This was my favorite podcast. Seriously, this was so fun. We said a lot of things I’ve never said before. Love it. Thanks for having me. 

 

Crystal Vilkaitis  

Yeah, thank you, everyone. Remember that I am rooting for your success. And have a great weekend. Bye. Thank you so much for being here. It means the world to me. Don’t forget to join the Rise and Shine newsletter which is Social Media News You Need to Know sent via email every Monday morning. Go to crystalmediaco.com/rise to join and don’t miss the newest episode of rooted and retail which drops every Sunday morning.